U.S. DROPS SUVs ON INSURGENTS

JohnM · 10-07-2005, 02:47 PM

http://www.borowitzreport.com/

U.S. DROPS SUVs ON INSURGENTS
‘Operation Iron Junk’ In Full Swing Across Iraq, Says Rumsfeld

Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld announced today that the U.S. military was taking advantage of American car dealers’ huge inventory of unsold sport utility vehicles by dropping the SUVs on insurgent positions across Iraq.

The defense secretary revealed details of the new offensive, called Operation Iron Junk, at a briefing today at the Pentagon.

“Car dealers can’t get rid of SUVs, and we can’t seem to get rid of those pesky insurgents,” Mr. Rumsfeld told reporters. “Hopefully, by dropping SUVs on insurgents, we will get rid of both.”

Operation Iron Junk began over the weekend when a C-17 Globemaster III cargo plane pounded insurgent positions in the town of Qaim near the Syrian border by opening its cargo hold and dumping fourteen fully loaded Lincoln Navigators on foreign fighters and suspected al Qaeda operatives.

“There is nothing scarier than seeing one of those mammoth gas guzzlers falling from the sky,” chuckled Mr. Rumsfeld. “I wish I’d been there!”

Mr. Rumsfeld said that while most of the SUV strikes have been successful, a few have missed their mark, including a sortie on Sunday in which a Ford Expedition landed on an unoccupied Toyota Prius, instantly crushing it.

But on the whole, the defense secretary was prepared to call Operation Iron Junk a success: “This is by far the most mileage anyone has ever gotten out of an SUV.”

JohnM
Anything worth doing for 2 hours is 10 times more worthwhile if done for 20 hours.
RUSA #235

macgeek · 10-07-2005, 03:07 PM

Notice they drop Lincoln Navigators's but keep the HUMMERS for themselfs!

Jonathan

KSagal · 10-07-2005, 10:34 PM

Two observation...

One. Iraq has a huge oil production capacity... What would scare the insurgents more than being hit with an SUV would be the possibility that they would no longer be driven, thereby reducing the need of oil and removing the financing for their activities...

two. I was recently at an alternative transportation festival. I did many demos and all the segs there were well recieved... THere were all kinds of vehicles and energy sources there. When it was over for the day, I watched all the electic cars, and alternative devices being loaded onto flatbed trailers and their energy consious owners, pulling them away with their giant SUVs and a few mercedes mega sedans... Much of this energy is from those who say that we should conserve, while they don't.

Still and all, the concept of dropping SUVs on bad guys is creative and funny.

Karl Ian Sagal

Each road you travel should be just a bit better for having had you pass.

10-07-2005, 02:47 PM	#1
JohnM Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2002 Location: ManchVegas, NH Posts: 2,148	U.S. DROPS SUVs ON INSURGENTS http://www.borowitzreport.com/ U.S. DROPS SUVs ON INSURGENTS ‘Operation Iron Junk’ In Full Swing Across Iraq, Says Rumsfeld Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld announced today that the U.S. military was taking advantage of American car dealers’ huge inventory of unsold sport utility vehicles by dropping the SUVs on insurgent positions across Iraq. The defense secretary revealed details of the new offensive, called Operation Iron Junk, at a briefing today at the Pentagon. “Car dealers can’t get rid of SUVs, and we can’t seem to get rid of those pesky insurgents,” Mr. Rumsfeld told reporters. “Hopefully, by dropping SUVs on insurgents, we will get rid of both.” Operation Iron Junk began over the weekend when a C-17 Globemaster III cargo plane pounded insurgent positions in the town of Qaim near the Syrian border by opening its cargo hold and dumping fourteen fully loaded Lincoln Navigators on foreign fighters and suspected al Qaeda operatives. “There is nothing scarier than seeing one of those mammoth gas guzzlers falling from the sky,” chuckled Mr. Rumsfeld. “I wish I’d been there!” Mr. Rumsfeld said that while most of the SUV strikes have been successful, a few have missed their mark, including a sortie on Sunday in which a Ford Expedition landed on an unoccupied Toyota Prius, instantly crushing it. But on the whole, the defense secretary was prepared to call Operation Iron Junk a success: “This is by far the most mileage anyone has ever gotten out of an SUV.” JohnM Anything worth doing for 2 hours is 10 times more worthwhile if done for 20 hours. RUSA #235

10-07-2005, 03:07 PM	#2
macgeek Super Crazy Segway Geek Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Las Vegas, NV Posts: 2,757	Notice they drop Lincoln Navigators's but keep the HUMMERS for themselfs! Jonathan

10-07-2005, 10:34 PM	#3
KSagal Glides a lot, talks more... Join Date: Jan 2004 Location: Pelham, NH, USA. Posts: 10,356	Two observation... One. Iraq has a huge oil production capacity... What would scare the insurgents more than being hit with an SUV would be the possibility that they would no longer be driven, thereby reducing the need of oil and removing the financing for their activities... two. I was recently at an alternative transportation festival. I did many demos and all the segs there were well recieved... THere were all kinds of vehicles and energy sources there. When it was over for the day, I watched all the electic cars, and alternative devices being loaded onto flatbed trailers and their energy consious owners, pulling them away with their giant SUVs and a few mercedes mega sedans... Much of this energy is from those who say that we should conserve, while they don't. Still and all, the concept of dropping SUVs on bad guys is creative and funny. Karl Ian Sagal Each road you travel should be just a bit better for having had you pass.

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