saying sorry
 

i have spent all this time trying to find another way to say what i said this evening when i was talking to karl. but i said what i was feeling then. i don't know why i think i could find better words for it now.


nora_k: that's not what apologizing is
nora_k: apologizing is taking responsibility for what's been done
nora_k: karl
nora_k: i am willing to say my words hurt you
nora_k: and to apologize for that
nora_k: absolutely would do that
nora_k: it's important for you to know that i know my words offend you
nora_k: and that they've hurt you

nora_k: well, it will likely take me some time to write it
nora_k: b/c i want to get it right
nora_k: and for it not to seem like BS
nora_k: and folks prolly will ask if i'm just sucking ujp
nora_k: so be it!


i've just spent the past two hours writing over and over again sentences i thought would be eloquent. they all seemed hollow. your feelings should mean more to me than what i want to say. i didn't feel that way yesterday. i didn't even feel that way when i logged into chat today. but i'm so thankful that today was the day that the name and avatar started to fade away so i could see the humanity in the person i'd be lashing out at and start to understand how vile and awful my words were. i'm here to take responsibility for my actions. my words should never have been used as a weapon of malice and for that, karl, i'm sorry.