totally annoying confrontation
 

So I was going into Dick's Sporting Goods on saturday to pick up some stuff. I use an I2 with a SegSaddle. Been in the store a half-dozen times, never a problem at all. They were having a "sidewalk sale," so it was pretty crowded outside. I go thru the first door and am in the "lobby" going to go thru the inner door to get into the store. One of the inner doors was propped open about half way (manual doors, not auto-open) so I positioned myself in front of the other door to open it. When I am sitting on the seg, I grab ahold of the door and use the seg to back up and open the door, and then go thru. A guy coming in the store basically leaps out of the crowd to "help" me and says "let me open the door." I said "no thanks, I got it, I am good, I appreciate it though" He of course says "Are you sure, I will do it" and opens the door and bangs it into my segway. He doesnt comprehend that I am in front of the door (by design) and in the way of the door and you cant pull it open as I am right there. I recovered from the tilt off balance and said "I HAVE this, I am okay, please dont try and open the door, thank you." He is mad that the door didnt open, so he pulls it again harder, banging it into me again. Since he is behind me, I cant even back up to get out of the way. At this point, I said pretty loudly "back UP, back OFF, stop it" and this through him for a loop. He let go of the door, and moved and I quickly glided away for this door and this guy. He then followed me and said "BACK OFF ?" "who do you think you are, why do yo have to be a jerk, I was just helping you out and you ..." he actually followed me over to the next set of doors yelling at me for being "such a rude jerk" by not letting him help me. I could have been in the store in 4 seconds without him. He could have just gone on his way. But he had to make a point of venting at his frustration at not being able to assist. Clueless, rude, darn right annoying, but I guess its bound to happen at some point. He is an out-lier, the first time out of hundreds of wonderful, helpful people. I am still bugged by him.

Sometimes it serves to allow people to provide assistance (even when not necessary) as it makes them your ally.

I completely understand your not wanting or needing assistance but I would've backed up and allowed him to open the door for me, thanked him and probably made a new friend....

In some circumstances, that's physically not viable. The doorway to my office, for example. There's really no way for someone to help and not obstruct. (I also have to duck to even reach the door)

All my life I’ve had people want to give me a hand with things that they see as being a challenge. Even before I bought a Segway, I stood out in a crowd. For those of you who might not know, I’m about three feet tall. You don’t see people everyday my size, so when some people do, they just want to try and make my life a little easier. When you see someone my size on a Segway, it’s a bigger attention getter. All of us who use our Segways know what I’m talking about being an attraction. Having lived for over 6 decades in a world not built to my scale, there are some things I can use a little help doing. But for the most part I can do whatever I need to do. I’ve also learned that when it comes to something that someone wants to assist me with, if I’m not already doing it, it’s better to let them do their good deed for the day. It not only makes them feel a litter bit better, it also gives them a story to tell in the future. Especially when we’re on our Segways.

I agree in general with your idea, unfortunately this time this guy was behind me and I couldn't back up. To make it worse, he was banging the door into me, so it was a bit more serious and hurried than your typical encounter. If I am walking on my canes, I almost always let people hold the door, even though truth be told, I would prefer to do it myself. There is something to be said for developing self-reliance and I need to continue to do it to keep the skills working. We also do live in a free society, so I should have the choice to do so or not as I chose,whatever makes ME happy, not the good samaritan. I think its a wonderful thing that people help others though, so as I indicated, I am taken that approach. Its just not this particular time and it caused quite an issue. If people would just approach and ask if they could help in any way and then LISTEN to the response, it would be a win-win for everyone... they helped and provided support, gave assistance if desired, you made a new friend, and everyone comes out ahead and it makes all feel good too. Its just when they insist and the goals dont line up, there can be issues.
My rights and desires to live and handle MY daily life in the way I choose matter just as much as the people who want to help. The trick is in crafting your response to be respectful and informative, I certainly don't want to discourage people in any way from helping others who may want or need it.

Thanks for sharing Greg, you expanded my mind a bit. I may try and change a bit. I can always work on my self-reliance and skills on my own time by myself, maybe I will just let others join in more to make them feel good too. Its going to take some practice as I am so used to taking care of myself and doing what I can as a rule.

I do understand your frustration! I try to be as independent as possible, so my 1st response is always "no thanks". But as others have said its more for them then you- so I'm trying to let others assist more.

But here's another thought: years ago I was at a business seminar and the speaker told the story of an incident with a guy in another department that really ticked him off. After the incident, he went back and told his colleagues about it. Then his wife at dinner. When he was done with the story his wife asked "would you ever invite him home for dinner?" "NEVER" he shouted! "But in a way you just did!" she said. " You took him back to your desk, home on the train, then through dinner.... Will you be leaving him behind or will he be joining us in bed also?" ... :)

Thats good advice, my friend. Let it go. It bugged me for a few days, and there is no need for that at all.